Those grating behaviors of your own child might just hint at their hidden talents. Author, Youth Empowerment Expert Josh Shipp helps adults understand teens and teens understand themselves. He is the bestselling author of The Teen’s Guide to World Domination and Jump Ship, a global youth empowerment expert, and an acclaimed speaker. One of Inc. Magazine's 30 under 30 successful entrepreneurs, he has appeared on MTV, Lifetime, the Oprah Winfrey Show, CNN, FOX, 20/20, Good Morning America, and in the New York Times and other media. A former at-risk foster kid turned youth advocate, he is renowned for his documentary TV series (A&E) that followed his groundbreaking work with teens. His organization, Kids These Days, provides resources for parents, educators, and youth workers. He lives in Los Gatos, California.

http://joshshipp.com

This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at https://www.ted.com/tedx

Teenagers can be pretty dramatic, but do you think you could spot the difference between typical teenage drama and a real mental health concern?

The teenage years are a volatile time, so it's easy to miss the warning signs that something could be really wrong. If you sense something is off with your kid, don't ignore it.

Run through this list of possible warning signs:

• Has your kid lost interest in things they used to enjoy?
• Is their energy level really low? Do they sleep way too much or too little?
• Are they spending a lot of time alone, without friends and family?
• Are they abnormally concerned with their weight or appearance?
• Do they exercise way too much?
• Are they hurting themselves, drinking, smoking, or using drugs?
• Do they engage in a lot of risky behaviors?
• Have they ever talked about suicide, or not being able to control their own thoughts or actions?

While some of this could be explained away as typical teenage problems, it could also be a sign of something much more dangerous.

When it comes to your teenager's mental health, don't ignore your concerns, and don't be afraid or ashamed to admit that your kid might need to see a medical or mental health professional.

Your church community is here to support you and help you find what you need to make sure your kid is healthy and safe. So please, let us know if we can help, because your teenager's mental health is serious business.

Okay, parenting a teenager is hard work sometimes, isn't it? If you've ever thought, "What have I gotten myself into?" you're not alone. And that's good, because parenting a teenager isn't a job you can do alone!

And here's the good news: you don't have to.

Your church community is here to help you, and here's how — by connecting your kid with other adults they (and you) can trust. As a parent, you are the most important voice in your teenager's life, both now and for a lifetime, but in all of our time caring for teenagers, we've learned something important:

your best chance at influencing your teenager's faith and future is to recruit other adults to influence them with you.

Doctors Kara Powell and Chap Clark, authors of Sticky Faith, encourage parents to "develop a sticky web of relationships" for their kids. We love that idea!

Especially during the teenage years, when your kid is beginning to pull away from you in their search for independence, we want to come alongside you by giving you access to a community of trustworthy adults who can help you influence your teenager. Those adults are actively investing in your kid right now, and they're available for you to reach out to whenever you'd like!

So, this month, reach out to one of the adults impacting your kid. Get to know them. Get their number. Buy them some coffee.

Reach out, because they can be a powerful ally for you and your family!

Your teenager will hate that we're telling you this, but we're going to tell you anyway:

You should know who your kid's friends are.

At this age, I know they want their privacy, and I know they're hard to talk to sometimes. But your teenager's friends are influencing them in big ways right now, so you've got to understand who's in their circle of friends — and what they're up to.

Here's a quick checklist to help you do this well:

1. TALK TO OTHER PARENTS. Some parents of your kid's friends might love this — others may not. Pay attention to how those parents respond to you because it can reveal a lot about how they parent their own kids.
2. ALWAYS ASK, "WHERE, WHEN, WHO?" when your kid makes plans. If they push back, let them this isn't an unreasonable question — it's just about safety and courtesy.
3. SUPPORT THEIR INVOLVEMENT WITH HEALTHY COMMUNITY. When your kid expresses interest in friends who influences them positively, make it easy for them to spend time together!
4. TALK ABOUT WISE FRIENDSHIPS. Keep the lines of communication open with your kid. Ask good questions, listen to their stories about their friends, and swap insights about how to build great friendships and choose friendships wisely.

Your teenager is beginning to pull away from you and lean more into relationships with their peers. Help them make that transition well. Know who your kids' friends are, and help them learn how to choose those friends wisely.

News flash! Parenting is hard.

It’s probably the hardest thing you’ll ever do in your entire lifetime. Once you feel like you’ve got the hang of it and things are running smoothly, BAM! Life comes at you fast and throws yet another obstacle at you.

Some days, you’re probably left wondering if anyone (you or your teenager) will make it out alive.

You’re not alone.

And I mean that in more ways than one. I mean you’re not alone because everyone who has ever raised a teenager knows what it’s like. So you’re not the only one.

But I mean you’re not alone for another reason too. The truth is you were never meant do this whole parenting thing by yourself. Back in the day, entire communities would rally around their young people to make sure they were raised to respect others, love others, and grow in wisdom.

But in today’s world, we find ourselves more isolated than ever... and more overwhelmed than ever, too.

There’s a quote (maybe you’ve seen it on Facebook or something) that says,

Find your tribe and love them hard.

So that’s exactly what I want to challenge you to do.

Who are the people, besides you, who can rally around your kid?

Who can come alongside you to love, influence, and guide your teenager along with you?

If you want to make it out of the teenagers years alive, find some people, your people, who will surround your kid with encouragement and wisdom. When choosing these people, remember that it will be their voices your kids hear in their heads for years to come, helping guide their actions and decisions. Choose people you trust to speak life into your kid when you’re not around.

So here’s a tip: take a second right now and make a list of people you can trust to influence your kid.

Who popped into your mind? Is it a relative, a family friend, a coach, a teacher, or maybe a volunteer from your church?

Whoever it is, give them a call, shoot them a text, or send them an email right now. Ask for their help or thank them for the ways they’re already loving and influencing your kid.

A recent post they've made that I like a lot is Here's What To Expect From Your 16-Year-Old. It's definitely worth the 8-minute read.

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Have you ever struggled to have a conversation with your teenager?

That was probably a stupid question. Of course you’ve struggled to have a conversation with your teenager. Teenagers aren’t exactly known for their ability to hold a conversation with their parents. Depending on the day, a question as simple as, “How are you?” might be met with a grunt, an eye roll, a single syllable, an angry outburst, or (on a very special day) maybe an actual conversation.

But for those not-so-special days, let me tell you a little trick that journalists and public speakers use to get people talking. It’s an ancient secret that has been passed down throughout generations, so listen closely or you’ll miss it.

You ready for it?

Lean in... Closer.

Closer. Okay, here it goes: the trick to getting people to talk is... to say nothing.

Okay, maybe this doesn’t seem right. Maybe you’re thinking, “Well if I don’t say something, no one would ever say anything!” Let me explain.

You see, journalists know that, when they’re interviewing someone, they need to pause: once, after they ask the question, then again after the interviewee answers. These pauses give them time not only to respond but then to expand.

Most people can’t stand awkward silences, so they tend to fill the silence with more words—and those second-round words are usually the good stuff.

So to get your kid talking, ask an open-ended question—one that doesn’t require a yes or no answer—and then wait.

And wait some more.

Don’t rush them by interrupting or quickly asking a billion follow-up questions.

And if it doesn’t work at first, keep trying. Then try again.

Your willingness to listen, even when your kid isn’t talking, will build trust between you and that teenager you love so much.

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